SBIGlets
by Great Pikmin Fan
Summary: Part of the "SBIG" series. Just a collection of several stories that are intentionally badly written, in an attempt at comedy. The fics can be about anything I feel like writing about, or even be sequels/spinoff/prequel chapters to existing installments. And even have sequels. Just about anything goes.


**SBIGlets**

**Chapter 1: 5word**

**Beginning AN:**

**Welcome to SBIG!** This is a series of purposefully badly done stories that care very little with making sense or trying to add any emotional impact. Or... that's the intent. This is sort of like a bad attempt at comedy. Now, two things I try to avoid with this when comparing the installments to other fics done bad on purpose. One is making them unreadable (but this... admittedly wasn't always a major focus of mine). Two is that this isn't going to get... too disgusting. Well, it might in some stories, but it won't rely on grossout factors as an entertainment value, and even the ones that do teeter into uncomfortable territory won't be trying to really 'outdo' other fics that do this. The only thing I try to trump myself in is the plot's stupidity. Not how hard it is to read it, and not how disgusted (or infuriated for that matter) you will be by it.

Anyway, this in particular is something a bit different. A collection of works. None of these are garunteed "one shots" in the traditional sense - I'll try not to have two stories that are too related come one after another, but just because a particular ficet is over with doesn't mean that it's it for that series. This also doesn't mean that you won't see expansions of other, contained _SBIG_ fics like _Zombie Attack!_ or _Kids Fit the Trolls_, just that outright spinoffs/side stories might be rarer compared to, say, things that happen to use the same formula, or stories that have completely original casts. This one, by the way, is one of the latter. On the flip side, some of these might retroactively turn into "pilots" of other, full _SBIG_ works.

_This is primarly a fic of: The Legend of Zelda. Specifically, Ocarina of Time. Note that this section does not mean that there won't be some crossover cameoes, but if they mostly stay second-tier or just cameoes, then they won't be listed here. This segment is for the "stars."_

* * *

><p>Once, there was a boy named Link. But he was little boy, so he was really weak and could not fight the final boss and could not use hookshot unless it was Majora's Mask. However after getting the three spiritual stones he went into the Temple of Time aka the Time Temple and found a sword. But what if instead of a Master Sword or the Four Swords, it was the not Four Sword but Five Sword or 5word.<p>

"I must get this sword to greatnes!" Link shouted.

He pulled the sword and then there was a lot of Light and Ganonn cameoed to say "You part of plan." and laugh. But then Link woke up in a watery area and saw Zeldas.

"Aren't you supposed to be some old dude with robe that covers his hands?" Link asked. Found himself with a new voice that makes fangirls say "That's mildly sexy" but he did not question it because he thinks it's echo.

"No not Rauru I am the Zelda and I must say that bad things have happened while you were out. You see you were supposed to stop the Gannon but by picking up the 5word it cursed you to sleep because the sword only lets people weild it if they are adults."

"Why is it like a cigarette? Because I don't smoke."

"No dummy it's because the 5word doesn't know how to fate so instead it went by its things and now Gannon has total control over Hyrule."

"No!" Link shouted.

"But need not be afraid!" Zelda shouted. "You are a man now! With hair everywhere!"

Link looked at himself. Cool!

"But also because that was not Master Sword by 5word there's five of you. They are asleep right now but wake them up and good things happen."

Link looked around and saw four more links, Red, Blue, Purple, and Yellow, sleep. Also each of them had a Navi colored the same as their tunic. And the Navi he had was now colored green.

"I wake them now!"

"You don't have to! I will send you all back into the real world instead of the Chamber of Light and that will also wake up the other four Links!"

And then that happened, and Link became Green Link because otherwise that would be too confusing.

Green Link was forest and could wind immune! Red Link was in fire, able to prevent getting too hot! His tunic was like air conditioner! Blue Link was Aquaman! Purple Link can survive ghosteses! Yellow Link can never be dehydrated because his tunic has the ability to make water so he can fill bottles!

"Now what?" Said Green Link.

"I will answer that for you." Shieked out of nowhere. "Go to the graveyard and get a hookshot. Then I tell you temples."

They did.

"Okay you did now!" Sheik said. "There are five temples. The temple in the forest Lost Woods. The temple under lava Death Mountain. The temple everyone hates under Lake Hylia. The scary temple in the graveyard. And the temple everyone likes in the desert. Ganon cursed them all and there are monsters and boss fights haunting them. Break the curse because that will help save Hyrule."

"Why not just fight Ganon?" Said the five Links at once.

"Because the temple curses also power a giant force field around his entire castle. Do this and then enter his castle where there's six more barriers you have to destroy to get into his main central tower."

"Force field?" Asked Blue Link.

"Yes it's Star Wars."

Green Link said, "Hey if have 7 years passed I want to see Saria I bet she's hot now."

Blue Link went, "I'll do the water temple if everyone hates it because water might mean Zoras and I like the fact Ruto's naked."

Yellow Link went, "Desert is perfect with my tunic! I can aquafina my way through it!"

Red Link sighed. "I wanted to have a girl that I could pick up but Saria and Ruto are taken. I guess I can settle for going into volcano now that I am fire proofe because I don't want to take on the scary temple."

Purple Link jumped back. "No! I have to do the scary one then!"

Shrek nodded like a wise person. "Heroism is not always easy."

* * *

><p>Kokiri Forest was attacked by monsters! Oh wait, it was mostly plants but still they were MEAN planets!<p>

"No!" Shouted Green Link, but then that caused the kokiri to stare at him!

"They!" They shouted. "Why the tunics Kokiri you're a poser boy hipster!"

Then they yelled like an angry mob! Not the creepy kind in horror movies just the pissed off _Simpsons_ kind. "Hipster! Hipster! Hipster! Hipster!"

And they chased Link to the house of his house!

Mido came up with a torch. "Ever since Deku Tree guy died these monsters are attacking! Stupid Saria defending that Link! Good thing she was kidnaped by the Phantom Gannon!"

"Wait what?" Said Green Link.

"Nothing..."

* * *

><p>Lon Ranch was taken over by the Ingo!<p>

"You will not horse." Said Ingo.

Red Link frowned then went into barn and Malon was there working on a car.

"I want to get a horse? But I forgot to learn the song on my ocarina!"

Then Malon said. "Screw the horse and take this car instead."

The Red Link said, "Wow! You built this for me! Thanks!"

And they got into kissing position, and closed in really slow for kiss, then Volvagia broke into the stable and kidnaped Malon!

"No!" Shouted Red Link. "Oh wait, cool. I guess the Fire Temple has a girl I nedd to save after all! Yay!"

Then he got into car and drove to the mountain.

"WHAT THE HELL JUST HAPPENED?" Shouted Ingo.

* * *

><p>Blue Link went down to the lake and began looking around when he saw that the entrance to the Zora's was frozen. He got curious and went there. It was all frozen too! no Unicorn Fountain! Then he Ice Caverned his way into getting the Iron boots! But before that he found that it was too cold and he was on timer and needed a Cyan Tunic (by race of new people that can dwell in snow?) but then that would be fan fic for a cyan link to he didn't care and then did magic and the 5word and turned it into 6word temporarly but not the main all the swords so Cyan Link was only slightly connected with Blue Link and not so much the others! Also he didn't have his own Navi.<p>

Blue Link parted ways with Cyan Link when they returned to Hyrule Field when Red Link drove up to them and said, "Hey another Link you can either follow this guy go to the temple everyone hates or to the cool one which ironically is very hot."

Cyan Link shrugged. "I go to Fire Temple."

And then they drove there. And Blue Link was pissed.

Blue Link got to the lake but then read a note saying "I am sorry I am kidnaped by Morpha - Ruto." And then he shook his fist and shouted. "WATER TEMPLE!" before he even entered. Meanwhile, Green Link was about to get mobbed to death by the Kokiri for thinking he's a hipster but then Red Link drove by on his new car and said, "HOPE ON!" Then they drewve to the Lost Woods and but there was a Deku Scrub not the red mad kind but the greens that can talk. Green Link got out and did the shield thing to get it out and listen to what it has to say.

"I tell you way to get through forest." Said the scrub.

"Man, you're like another Navi!" Shouted Green Link. Red Link and Cyan Link laughed.

Then Deku Scrub shook his head. "Just listen."

"HEY!" Green Navi shouted.

"What?" Asked Green Link.

"LISTEN! Did you know that if you pick up hearts, you increase your health?"

"YOU'RE USELESS!" Shouted Green Link, and he was so much anger that he threw the Navi and she landed on the scrub, and there was flashing lights coming from both of them, and suddenly the Scrub was all completely green and while and had a ghost tail instead of feet. It was Dekusprite!

DEKUSPRITE: By the way, did you know that faries can be "prototyped?" That means that if you throw something in one, the fairy becomes a "sprite" that has the characterisms of what you put in there!  
>GREEN LINK: Cool!<br>RED LINK: I gotta try this out later!  
>CYAN LINK: Dot dot dort.<p>

Then they went to the Forest Temple area but they needed hookshot to enter.

"This car does not work well with using the hookshot to get it." Said Red Link. "I cannot go further. Also but I could but I would rather go through my own temple now."

"Why not the three of us do Forest Temple?" Said Green Link. "Three heads are better than two."

Red Link winced. "Not if you believe in all those cartoons where with the two best friends then there's a third friend and he's a total jackass."

"THEN WHO IS JACKASS?" Green Link asked with confusion.

"Nobody that's not what I meant now let's go."

So they left and Green was alone again.

* * *

><p>At Death Mountain crator it was revealed that Cyan Link's tunic had been keeping him warmer but it does not work to cool him down so the heat of the volcano got to him faster then the usual and he burned instantly and died. Red Link frowned at Cyan Link's death and put his corpse in his inventory. Then he drove the car around and ramped it off of that climbing wall thing and he flew like in the Dukes of Hazard (or Nepeta in <em>Housestuck Hurrcain Crconikals<em>) into the Fire Temple.

"ENTRANCE TOO SMALL TO FIRE TEMPLE FROM THE VOLCANO!" Red Link complained, then he used bombs and blew it bigger.

"ENTRANCE BIGGER NOW! GOOD!"

He also blew up some text while there. It didn't seem important since there will be dungeon skipping involved anyway, but a tablet was blown off. All it said originally was "S1 Three letters back +1 = +1," and that's still what the blown up chunk said since nothing was actually destroyed.

In the Fire Temple, which in this version looked like a big race track in the cave with the track being made out of the Fire Temple archetecture Red Link saw Darunia there and he did not look happy. "Brother! I hold the boss key right now but I do not think you are worthy to defeat Volvagia. You must race me to it first."

Red Link nodded. "But can I use this car? Then it won't be fair."

"Our kind can roll stupid, of course your car is fair."

Meanwhile, Malon was hanging over the boss door in a cage. "HELP ME!" She shouted in a damsell accent. This was motivation to Red Link!

They raced and it was like Need for Speed, but then suddenly Red Link won and threw his hands up in the air and looked pride. "It is good then."

Then Volvagia broke out of the boss room and took Malon. The door to it was still broken.

Darunia shrugged and held out key. "Oh I guess you won't bee needing this after all ha ha haha ha ha!"

Red Link shook his head. "We might. Wecould use this to enter boss room in another temple. Also but to try something out here jump into this fairy. It will make you into a sprite so your sprtepowers plus Goron powers will help me in battle."

"Ok."

DARUNIASPRITE: Well this is akward.  
>RED LINK: Time for the boss now!<br>DARUNIASPRITE: But first I want to give a legendary thing to you. It is strong hammer.

And then Red Link used the hamer to beat the dragon and free Malon and they kissed. Malon got in the passenger seat and Red Link drove over and ramped off the broken bridge and through the cave into Goron City. But since he did not move statue he broke open the idol thing in front of it instead with his car.

DARUNIASPRITE: Hey! That was sacred I think!  
>RED LINK: Too bad. Sometimes heroes have to break stuff.<p>

And they drove up the stairs and onwards to Lake Hylia.

* * *

><p>Blue Link had got phone call from Green Link about prototyping just before he would enter the Water Temple and was thinking what to prototype. Since he can only do a lot of his stuff above water he took off iron boots and floated to the island to thing.<p>

"Green did a deku. Red did a goron. So patterns, I should prototype a zora! No wait that's too predictable..."

Then he reached into his pocket and got out a copy of _Conker's Bad Fur Day_ and moved his eyebrows up and down a lot. He blew into the bottom so that the dust wouldn't screw up the prototyping and prototyped the game.

CONKERSPRITE: Oh man I have a hangover.  
>BLUE LINK: Cool! Can you do the Mighty Poo?<br>CONKERSPRITE: Hell naw. Now, I have to find my home.  
>BLUE LINK: Um... your home is kind of back in the video game. You are like in a new dimension.<br>CONKERSPRITE: So I'll never gett back to my home with the Berri?  
>BLUE LINK: Don't think so.<br>CONKERSPRITE: No!

Red Link drove up to them.

RED LINK: Hey there!  
>BLUE LINK: Red Link? Why the car? And why is there a dead Link?<br>BLUE LINK: Or is it because rhyme? Red Link Dead Link lol.  
>CONKERSPRITE: A-HEM. If you don't mind, I will sprite exposit on the temple.<br>BLUE LINK: I'd rather figure it out myself. Now, Red Link, what you saying?  
>RED LINK: I'm saying that maybe we could prototype the dead Link and it could bring him back to life but I guess you prototyped already and got that thing instead.<br>RED LINK: Unless you can prototype a sprite again?  
>CONKERSPRITE: You can, but I call dibs of not being prototyped again! It might kill me!<br>DARUNIASPRITE: I can be the guy to prototype.  
>RED LINK: Nah.<br>RED LINK: Anyway Blue Link I have the boss key this should make the temple much fasters.

Then he gave the Link the key and Blue Link and Conkersprite entered.

Blue Link saw the thing in that room that raises the water level.

BLUE LINK: Hey! A Zelda's Luliby thing! I can use it!  
>CONKERSPRITE: How though?<br>BLUE LINK: It's context sensitive! If I play Zelda's Lulliby, then I can let me do a thing that it permits!  
>CONKERSPRITE: Hey... context sensitive...<br>CONKERSPRITE: Maybe I can rocket launcher the hell through this temple.

And then he floated there and got out rocket launcher and launched it. The temple soon fell down and broke appart into lots of littlebits. The path to the boss door was really clear.

"No!" Shouted Blue Link. "I cannot you Conkersprite had just destroyed the path to the boss key! But wait! I can use the boss key for the fire Temple that Red Link gave me instead! Cool!"

So then Conkersprite shot his rocket launcher and the templ was broken down and the path to the boss was clear only the boss room remained.

"IT'S TIME TO END YOU MORPHA!" Blue Link shouted as he opened the boss door and then he killed Morpha.

Then he saw Ruto. Her boobies were much bigger and she still looked naked, so instead of saying anything Blue Link just said "uh..." and trailed off.

"You don't have to speak to me!" Ruto shouted happily. "I know how you feel since I am engaged to you remember?"

CONKERSPRITE: Hot damn! First that ranch girl, now her? You Links sure have a thing with the ladies.  
>BLUE LINK: Shh!<br>CONKERSPRITE: I mean your women tend to have the best curves! And the-  
>BLUE LINK: Shhush!<p>

"What's the blue thing saying?" Asked Ruto. "I can't hear it. It's whispering."

Conkersprite cleared his throat.

CONKERSPRITE: Hello ma'm. My name is Conkersprite. And may I have yours?

"It's Ruto dumbass I'm a Zora princess."

CONKERPSRITE: (Royalty huh? Cha-ching! She must be loaded!)  
>BLUE LINK: Shhhhuuushh!<p>

And then Ruto ran up to Blue Link and hugged and pressed against him. To avoid the scene gettign akward he thought about non sexualized things like Martin Luther King giving spongebath to Gandhi.

And then Red Link drove by and picked them up. He said:

"I did not get call back from Green Link or Yellow Link this worries me. Let's check on Yellow Link first."

As they drove off, Dark Link crawled out of the ruins and went out the exit of the temple. His home was destroyed so he was mad.

* * *

><p>In Gerudo, Yellow Link had been trying to escape the misanderist Gerudo who were not feminists because there is a difference. Depending on definition by what the hell people call themselves. So he was Solid Snaking around when one of the guards spot him.<p>

"Stop!" Shouted the guard to spot him. "I put you under arrest!"

Then Yellow Link said "Nah" and hit her with sword He meant to only knock her out but he accidentally chopped her head off.

"Ooops." Said Yellow Link.

"KILLER!" The other guards shouted. And then even the fighting guards with the arm blade thingys came out. "YOU ARE NOW GERUDO'S MOST WANTED."

Then Yellow Link remembered the offscreen phone call about prototyping. He set a Faroroe's wind in case this idea didn't work and he did this with the restricted items glitch. He then threw the Gerudo - the dead one - into his Navi.

GERUDOSPRITE: Hey cool, I'm alive again.

And then the guards called off search because there was still an alive one.

"Hey you saved a life. Now you get to be a Gerudo too." Shouted a guard and she gave him the token.

Yellow Link used this token to enter the opening to the desert, but before he could enter the desert he heart the guard at the tower shout: "HEY! I SEE A CAR GOING HERE! IT'S A PRIUS SO _**SHE**_ IS A WOMEN DRIVER!"

Car drove up, and it was Red Link! A guy!

RED LINK: Nice sprite- aw hell you prototyped that one too now all I have left is Purple Link's Navi and they at the Shadow Temple which is scary.  
>BLUE LINK: Can't you prototype twice?<br>RED LINK: Good idea.  
>GERUDOSPRITE: Wait, no!<p>

Then Red Link got out the dead Cyan Link and prototyped it. Because the Gerudo was a women and since Link, Cyan Link or now Linksprite looked the same as Link only as a sprite and a women.

"I can help you through desert." Said Red Link.

"But it is easy to get lost?" Said Yellow Link.

"No problem. This car has GPS. It also has AC to keep us cool."

And then they all GPSed to the Spirit Temple.

"Hey wait a minute..." said one of the Gerudo. "If they overprototyped the Gerudo... THAT MEANS SHE DIED AGAIN! Son of a f-word!"

"But it was Red Link whodunnit." Said another.

"Okay since all Links look alike we must go forth and try to kill them all in case they change clothes colors."

"But how will he get to the Spirit Temple?"

The guard narrowed her eyes. "Walking."

* * *

><p>A little bit into the past Purple Link heard that the Shadow Temple was scary and he set Farore's Wind up in case he wanted to use his courage powers to run away. He then hookshoted (hook not long since I needed this edit to make this plot possible) across the opening pit and saw a painting.<p>

"Um... is this it? Must I have to jump down pit?" Then the painting was scaring him so he got out a marker and thought if he drew a mustache or a penis on it then it would be less scary.. But his arm went through it!

This scared the shit out of Purple Link. He ran through the temple blindly screaming and flailing his arms around like an idiot. But he was not idiot enough to forget to use the Eye of Truth after that encounter deal with the starting painting like Homer Simpson would! He went through the temple calming down a little but still unsettled. There were zombies! and mummies that were pallete swaps of the zombies! And bones! And giant hands that send you to the beginning of the dungeon! And other giant hands that turned invisible! And Like Likes... whatever those are.

"THIS IS MUCH TOO SCARY FOR A LINK LIKE ME!" Purple Link yelled, even though his tunic was immune to ghosts. He thought he could calm down when he entered this room at the end of a long hallway that was close to the entrance, but what he found was another room full of more skeletons. And a girl with five arms!

"GAH!" Purple Link said because the five armed girl looked kind of creepy. She was all black and white and had some liquid from the mouth and one eye, and some kind of vortex thing in her stomach. "THIS TEMPLE IS TOO MUCH SILENT HILL!"

And he used Farore's Wind to get the hell out of there. However there was a problem with Farore. You see, only one Farore's Wind can be out at a time. This is kept in line because there is normally only one Link, and the way to make is mapped with the button to teleport with it. And usually if one Link makes a warp point and another tries a while after that, they could just get teleported. However, back when Yellow Link made his warp point, Purple Link had his generated at around the same time. The magic does not count making the point as the point having being made so it allowed Purple Link to make the warp point. and the points were already being made the function to imput them was... okay so bottom line **THRERE WAS TWO WARP POINTS!** The magic had no idea which one to send Link to so it decided screw the warp points and sent Purple Link into another world because that's what it does when the Magic God is confused: _Super Mario 64_. (PS this is an allegory for a game failsafing and in fact that's what this originally was. When an N64 game freezes take out the cartrage and put in SM64 because the freezing is an indication that you can play Mario with those characterss - actually no it doesn't I just made that up.)

The girl with five arms looked at the Purple Link teleporting away and shrugged.

"I just wanted to sell some choclate."

* * *

><p>Purple Link appeared in Bob Bomb Battlefield and the three Pink Bombs were at war with the Thirty Gallillion Black Bombs.<p>

"We are losing this war!" Shouted the friednly bombs, the pink ones because the good guys are always the ones there are less of to make for more drama.

Suddenly, Mario!

Suddenly, Purple Link appeared! He had no idea about landscaping. "NOW WHAT IS GOING ON I AM NOT SCARED ANYMORE JUST CONFUSED!"

"Bowser." Said Mario.

"Okay let's fight him."

And then they spent a long time getting stars until they had eight, then Bowser in the Darkworld, and they fought him and Mario got him to blow up.

"Mama mia!" Shouted Bowser. "I am close to death! But I dare you to go to bottom of castle for rematch!"

Then Purple Link felt sorry about Bowser almost dying and decided to have his Navi prototype him and then Bowsersprite. Because Bowser was so huge however the sprite was also big.

BOWSERSPRITE: I can now teleport you back to your homeworld because I have sprite powers! Thanks for saving me... SUCKER! MWAH HA HA!

Then he made purple vrotex, and Purple Link jumped into it, and Bowsersprite jumped into it, and Mario did too. They ended up back in the Shadow Temple, but Bowsersprite was too big for the opening room so he had to teleport along the rooms a lot. With the help of Mario, Purple Link made it to the boss room and killed Bongo Bongo and saved Impa.

"Oh right I forgot about you." Said Purple Link.

Then they made out!

* * *

><p>The Spirit Temple was the one everyone liked I guess. But the Links could not go on further as they had to either go back to the past or go future but with Gunlets.<p>

BLUE LINK: Conkersprite, do you have any ideas?  
>CONKERSPRITE: No. Not without a context sensitive pad, that is.<br>LINKSPRITE: I could float through the walls and finish the kid portion for you guys by getting you the gauntlers.  
>YELLOW LINK: That's not cheating?<br>LINKSPRITE: No because it is preventing an unwinnable since you cannot back in time yourself.  
>LINKSPRITE: We sprites are told it's only cheating if we do that parts you can do on your own<br>LINKSPRITE: That is all about heroism

Then he went and got the gauntlets for the Yellow Link. Red Link and Blue Link strafed with him and because there were three Links and three sprites helping out they quickly made it to the final boss area after getting the mirror shield and defeated Twinrova and Yellow Link got kiss from Naborru.

They left the temple and saw Gerudo writting parking ticket! Three more were sitting in the other seats of the car.

"Hey that's not a very nice thing either!" Shouted Red Link because he was the hot tempered one.

"Yeah well youre not parked on street so we're gonna have to confiscate this."

And then they got in and drove off. But Blue Link realized something being the smart one:

"There arent even streets in Hyrule so there's no sense in laws to not drive or park on them! The Gerudo were just being jerks!"

"Actually no we kind of were because that was a sweet ride but we also wanted to kill you to murder."

The Links and sprites looked up at the source of the voice. It was a Gerudo standing on the hand that was holding the gauntlets! And more Gerudo were on the statue!

"Let's get back in the temple!" Blue Link shouted. "Because I saw lots of context sensitive thinks Conkersprite can use!"

And so they retreated using the shortcut that gets to the room close by the boss, and Conkersprite floated to the Hyrule Triforce on the palm of the inside statue's hand and got out that TNT from the Hungover chapter. And blew the statue to bits!

RED LINK: Well dumb dumb what good did THAT do?  
>CONKERSPRITE: Argh! The contexts must be for the temples only, and not for running away! I have to... control it, maybe? If you can you could get some cool power.<br>DARUNIASPRITE: I think the statue may or may not be sacred to the Gerudo and-  
>LINKSPRITE: Lol is sacred stuff all you can ever talk about?<p>

And then the the Links (not counting Linksprite) shook their heads because it is out of character for a sprite to say crap like that. Or a link. Double for Link-sprites.

Suddeenly, they were surrounded by Gerudo!

YELLOW LINK: Shit! We're surrounded!  
>BLUE LINK: Sprites, can you do anything?<br>DARUNIASPRITE: No! We did too much crap for you! Figure this out on your own!  
>DARUNIASPRITE: Afterall, a honor sprite should not play around.<br>DARUNIASPRITE: That goes for you, Linksprite, too!  
>LINKSPRITE: Hey no...<p>

But then a flash of purple, and Purple Link and Mario and Bowsersprite appeared in ther room! Bowsersprite was huge and an unexplained phenominon so the Gerudo for now retreated.

BOWSERSPRITE: But I am not an honor sprite! So let's get this show on the road now!  
>BOWSERSPRITE: I'll teleport you right to Ganon's castle!<p>

Big flash, and suddenly, the four of five Links, the sprites, Mario, Malon, Ruto, Impa, and Nabooru were all Star Trecked' into the front! But meanwhile, one Gerudo stuck around... and said... "Hm Ganon's castle we know where that is we'll findit."

* * *

><p>Gren Link found Saria!<p>

"Oh ew, you're still a kid..." He said.

"I have a crush on you so I would like it if you still liked me that way!" Said Saria.

"Nah. This ship is sunk like Duncan and Courtney on Total Drama."

Saria sighed. "You're STILL not over that? FFS it's been seven years..."

GREEN LINK: No!  
>GREEN LINK: So trusty sprite, what's next?<br>DEKUSPRITE: Get to the castle now I htink your other selves are done.  
>GREEN LINK: How cool way of transportation should I use to get there?<br>DEKUSPRITE: Walking.  
>GREEN LINK: ...Is that it?<br>DEKUSPRITE: I'm not going to fly or teleport you there.  
>GREEN LINK: :(<p>

* * *

><p>With all of the curses lifted and all of the Links and Madens and Sprites there including Mario, they were ready for action.<p>

LINKSPRITE: We cannot go on further because the dark energy is keeping us out. This is appropriate as you should do the battling yourself.  
>GREEN LINK: Okay. And girls, you should stay back too. You've already been kidnapped once.<p>

And then they all did an angry emote.

Saria, Malon, Ruto, Nabooru, Impa, and Shrek (who turned back into Zelda) made a bridge with their sage powers! The five Links were on their way!

SUDDENLY THE GERUDO CAME ON THEIR CAR, and ninja leaped off, and started schimaring (or whatever their weapons are called) the sprites to death! Then they glared at the sages.

"It's okay," Said Babooru, "I am their second in command if I remember right. Ahem. OTHER GERUDO. DON'T KILL US! We're not affiliated with the Links. BUT ON A TANGENT THEY'RE GOOD GUYS!"

They nodded and said, "Ok."

"EXCEPT FOR THAT ONE!" She shouted, pointing at Dark Link! Who ran into the dungeon!

"I cannot believe this tragety." Saria said, "My friends are in there and they blew us off like an air conditioner!"

"Huh?" Asked... oh what the heck, everyone. It was a crappy metaphor.

"Get it blow?"

Then she ran in and the other sages followed. One of the Gerudo guards said, "HEY WE WILL STAY OUTSIDE AND WATCH FOR WHEN OTHERS COME LIKE THAT SHADOW LINK JUST DID!"

Inside the castle section of the tower, the Links each did the barrier of their element. Then they all decided to go for the light barrier together, then united just in time for the light arrows (Zelda gave them that when she revealed herself as Sheik) to destroy it.

Suddenly Ganondorf appeared behind all of them! He was holding a ring!

"What are you gonna do, marry us?" Purple Link joked since he's the jokester.

"You have still been activating my traps." Ganondorf said. "First, collecting the legendary 5word would just put you to sleep so I may take over this place. Second, prototyping. You see, the Great Deku Tree is connected to fairies in a way. This ring is what happens since I found the plank of wood that GDT has tied to Navi's life, which also includes prototyping information. And since Navi's split into five that means five more things to prototype... heh heh heh..."

He put the ring on, and it was awful! "Mama mia!" Mario shouted and then ran back to the entrance! Ganondorf grew a bunch of leaf things, and he got big rock muscles, and he started turning into a squirrel furry, and he got a turtle shell with spikes and a big mouth thing, and finally the Gerudo-Link prototyping... GAVE HIM BOOBS LIKE BOWLETTA!

* * *

><p>"Hmm..." Impa said, putting a hand on the big white barrier. "Yep. This is some strong magic alright. Hm?"<p>

She said "Hm?" Because they heard Mario running his ass off to the bridge!

"Guys! Guys! There's a thing going on! Ganondorf is now a furry!"

"I KNEW IT." Ruto glared. "Nothing good comes from furries."

"Ahem." Said Nabooru. "You're part fish."

"It's okay if we're fish because fish don't have fur."

Then the white barrier vanished, and so the Sages decided to run to the yellow Light room, since that just dimmed.

Inside, they found the Links fighting Ganondorf! But it was no use! He simply used his Bowser breath to knock them all down, just in time for Dark Link to spawn a cage around them!

"A HA HA HA HA!" Ganondorf shouted, "Kidnaping sages is one option, but why settle for that when you can just do this other thing instead and capture the guy who used to RESCUE them? If you can kidnap the sages anyway later then there is nothing to worry about!"

He turned around, and "if you want to save them COME TO THE TOP OF THE TOWER SECTION OF THE CASTLE!"

Then he teleported away, and so did Dark Link, and so did the cage (with the colorful Links still in it obviously it would be pretty stupid and they would be let go).

After fighting a lot of things including Stalfos the Sages and Mario got up to the main castle. They glared down the bad guy Griffindor.

"NOW WE FIGHT!" Shouted Saria, who I guess is their leader.

But then, Mario jumped at Ganondorf from all the Bowser elements and tried to fight him, but got Goron-punched into the ground! To show things are serious, Mario was dead as he was squashed into a pulp!

Green Link got an angry face, and then the five Links held their swords up, and they started glowing.

"Power of the 5word." Green Link said, "Give me the same magic used to make the late Cyan Link, and make EVEN MORE LINKS!"

It dind't do what they wanted it to do. All it did was fire beams of their tunic colors at Ganondorf, and he exploded and so did the room this took place in so it was like the rooftop area after the Ganondorf fight. The ring fell down, inactive. Suddenly the castle started rubbling.

"OH NO IT'S GOING TO COLLAPSE BECAUSE GANON'S MAGIC WAS THE ONE HOLDING IT UP ALL ALONG!" Zelda cried. Luckily the cage exploded too.

"BUT DARK LINK-" Green Link shouted as DL ran off.

"We must worry about him another game."

Then the ten of them ran down the castle and made it outdside as it explodded. BUT IT WASN'T OVER YET! There was a sound from the rubble.

"It could be Dark Link." Blue Link said using his strategy skills, "I must go there and try to finish his story before it can start in the form of a new game maybe named Zelda II: A Link to the Past."

The five Links ran there, AND DARK LINK POPPED OUT OF THE RUBBLE! He was angryu and floating, and he held up the ring, and put it on! He got the same transformational things as Ganondorf did, but then pulled out the blades that the Gerudo prototyping gave him, and cut all of the Links in half!

"Ganon was an idiot." Dark Link said, using his Gerudo-speed to quickly paint a triforce out of blood (pf the dead links) before the Sages could run up to him and stop him. "But now I know the full potential of the things that I was given. AND THAT INCLUDES THE 5WORD/6WORD, SINCE THAT'S WHAT CYAN LINK'S PROTOTYPING GAVE ME!"

And then he lifted his sword up and then there was five of him! Not six because that would be overpowered even though it was the 6word that gave him that in the first place. And anyway the five of them all used the bloody Triforce symbol to unleash a context sensitive FPS! And then the screen went to his POV, and it was like _Callof Duty._

"HA HA HA! I have stolen one of Conker's guns! And no matter what you throw at me, I will counter it because that's what Context Sensitive means! Not something sexual, _**just what I need AT THAT MOMENT IN TIME!**_ Clever!"

He started shoooting a lot and there was thunder and lightning and also rain because rain makes things look cool. Anyway the girls all ran behind one of the pieces of rubble just for another Dark Link (um the main one is Green Dark Link wait that doesn't make no sense since it should be Dark Green but just saying Dark Color is kind of lame so... Forest Link, Blood Red Link, Midnight Blue Link, Indigo Link, and Dark Yellow Link?), which is Blood Red Link, to crush it down.

"No where to hide!"

But this was part of plan! Since he was not in the context sensitive area he could not draw anything that would help him, so Malon whistled and got Epona to headbutt him in the groin! It's appropriate because she's the red one so she takes down her patron Link's Dark. Then she ran over and did a combo move, ending with her getting a lasso out and tieing him like he was a cow.

"You are lucky I do not ranch plantrock squirrelkoopa-people, or else I would know how to castrate you. Which raises the question, what kind of genetals do you have?"

Then she was socked by Midnight Blue Link! Meanwhile Forest Link tried to experiment with the context sensitive but instead of giving him another gun like he wanted it gave him a Goku wig. He looked at it and nodded.

"I understand. I must use this power to generate a Spirit Bomb." He put on the wig and stuck his hands up. "EVIL PEOPLE OF THE EARTH! GIVE ME YOUR EVIL SOUL KI STUFF SO I CAN BLOW THINGS UP!"

And then a evil spirit bomb was forming. You knew it was evil because instead of white with a cyan outline, IT WAS BLACK WITH A RED OUTLINE AS THOUGH SOMEONE WAS MUCKING AROUND WITH THE "INVERT COLORS" FROM MS PANIT!

As the Evil Spirit Bomb charged up, Ruto glared down at Midnight Blue Link to fight. Which he did, by using his Gerudo moves to knock her off of the floating platform (AN hey if Ganon's magic was what made the castle fall and he was using the last of it then how is that chunk of rock floating between his falling/fake death and when he turned from Ganondorf to Ganon?) and jumped after her in a ninja jump, then tried to tackle her onto the lava below.

Unfortunately for the bad guys but fortunately for the good guys all the rain not only put out the lava (that pink stuff IS lava right?) so that now people can go near it, but it formed some water so that instead of falling to death you land into it. Anyway they were both plunged to the depths of the waters of the pool new Lake Hylia yet at the same time old Castle Hyrule. He made several diving-like attacks, but she ended up reflecting them off and eventually used the fin boomerangs. One hit, the other was dodged.

"HA HA!" Shouted Midnight Blue Link, "You boomerang does not work as well as mine- CRAP!"

He shouted that because it was too small of a chilld weapon for him to use. So Ruto kicked him up and he ended up in the air then got knocked back on the arena via Zora Boomerang and landed on Maroon Link just before he could get up. Zelda who did not like people playing hooky (remember that Spongebob episode with the penis), teleported Ruto over there and she pouted at that.

Next it was Indigo Link's turn! He got into his shell and whirled around like Bowser did in SSBM but not SSBB because I think that attack was nerfed. Impa jumped around from her Shekia training, but at the same time Indigo Link had Gerudo training. It seemed like a stalemate on Indigo Link's side thanks to also Goron except that Impa was at an advantage since Indigo Link was a drunk (Conker), a bush (Deku), and a fatass (Bowser). So even though Indigo Link ended up clawing her, Impa still broke out, and threw a Deku Nut at him.

"NOOOO! CYAN LINK OR LINKSPRITE THOUGHT THAT THAT WAS USELESS! I MAY HAVE KNOWN BETTER BUT WHY DIDN'T I PACK THOSE?" He shouted while he was too frozen too move. Um... he did it telepathecially, because that's what Deku can do as part of their Deku Tree.

Since they were jumping a lot, they were in the air at the time, so Impa kicked him in the boobs and that hurt a lot more than it would if he didn't have them, and he was added to the pile.

"NOT OVER YET!" Dark Yellow Link shouted, and he got out those blade things. So Nabooru knew what this meant... AN EPIC BLADE BATTLE!

That was ruined when Zelda ran around shouting "TEAMWORK!" and stabbed him in the leg with a sword. What a jerk, ruining a cool fight like that!

But at least part of the fight could go on, since Dark Yellow Link kicked Zelda off to the side, so Nabooru ran towards him and they clashed around like Star Wars. But also like Star Wars:

"Did they tell you about your father?" Dark Yellow Link asked.

"Yes. They told me **NO FUCKING STAR WARS!**"

And then she stabbed him in the gut, and lifted him and tossed him towards the pile.

**"FINISHING MOVE!"** Saria cried, "I summon thee... Fairies!"

"We are not at risk of dying right now, the world is and that's more important!" Zelda cried as pink fairies started flying in, "Pick something more useful1"

"That was what I wanted! I meant to say... GREAT Fairies!"

And then they appeared in a pattern of six from the same distance, which formed a sextagon! Not in that way perverts. To tell them apart, they had different hair like Majora's Mask. And the sixth one could have purple hair, since that isn't taken. They were helping Saria gather together a light spirit bomb, with the proper colors. And since there were seven of them, it was faster than Forest Link's.

"FINISHING MOVE again!" She yelled, "DOUBLE-SPIRIT BOMB CLASH!"

And because to show that the world is both half good and half evil, the two spirit bobms were about the same size. They clashed into eachother, and it generated a huge shockwave that also took down what remainined of the castle town (I hated that place in the game the stealth sequence was stupid I'd rather play an MGS if I wanted to stealth) And the colors intermixed with eachother and it looked cool. Zelda finally got enough wisdom to snap her fingers and come up with an idea.

"EVERYBODY! WE MUST USE OUR SAGE POWERS TOGETHER!" She cried. "SADLY THAT INCLUDES YOU SARIA!"

So she teleported Saria to them, and all the sages gathered together and formed symbols, and then... A COLORFUL BRIDGE CAME HIGH ABOVE FOREST LINK!

"Ha! That's it! You played chicken, so that my Spirit Bomb can destroy your's as it has no support, just to make a preetty little brdige.? Is that all sages can do?"

"It's all they need to do." Zelda smirked.

Then the bridge fell on him, and knocked him out, and he fell on the pile of other Dark Links. Now the sages warped all back to their good Spirit Bomb, and they made it extra strength to get rid of the Dark Link's. Who all woke up just in time to see the Light Spirit Bomb falling to them.

The bomb destroyed the floating land thing, and then the team dispersed it, and Zelda teleported them all back to the ledge. They were all heroes.

"Say," said Zelda, "Yo should have called Great Fariest faster."

"HaHaha!" Saria laughed.

"That is no joke. If you did that, we wouold have more people in here alive. I'm afraid I may have to fire you from being a Sage."

":("

"I'm kidding about the firing part since it's not up to me, it's up to Din, Naru, and Farore."

"Well I think that no matter what the issue is, as long as we get enough Links to win, we can! Because the moral of the story, is to always have more Links."

And then the townspeople from all parts of the game ran up towards them, and the Triforce came to say "I am roud," and seeing that the evil Ganon castle is gone, they cheered. Victory has won, but will it be for long? And what if other timelines?

* * *

><p><strong>Closing AN:<strong>

Whew! Did I spend a span of time on this! But I can assure that future installments, becides the "first three," (this, _Dream House_, and _Gym Class_) won't be as long, and even then, as I said in the opening AN, this will probably be the longest of them for a while. Mostly because I didn't expect this to be so lengthy. I'm never good at planning out how much a _SBIG_ chapter should go on, so as a result there are several parts where I think something along the lines of, "Hey, shouldn't there be a final confrontation? It sure doesn't feel like it..." and "I don't know, I feel like this scene could use a little more to it." The latter applies for the ending. After Dark Link's kill. It really feels like there needs to be a bit more to it...

Yes, that comment about the warp failure originally being the "game" failsafing was true about this. But then I stopped liking such blatant and plot-relevant fourth-wall breaks in that manner.

Next up: **Dream House**. A big crossover between _House_, _Yume Nikki_, _Inception_, and _Mythbusters_ as characters of the latter three go into House's dream to help him remember the cure to a patient he forgot!


End file.
